I realize people resent it when they tell a story about their child and I respond with a story about my dog. But that is the only other life I'm really in charge of so on the relatability (just invented a word) scale, cut me some slack. Plus, she's pretty great, even if her breath is kicking like Chuck Norris.
1. Don't bark with your mouthful. You might choke.
2. Don't hold grudges when you don't get what you want. Everyone is happier if you aren't sulking.
3. It's hard to scratch your own back. Let someone help you.
4. Try everything at least once.
5. The only thing you should eat that you can't smell is water.
6. Anticipate rewards. They will come.
7. Figure out what the people you live with love. Doing these things makes them happy and that means treats for you.
8. Act very defensive of your yard and bark at noises in the middle of the night. It makes people feel safe. Barking at the tv is just annoying- but it's fun!
9. Stare unblinkingly at walls or into a dark empty room and growl from time to time. Humans will wonder if their house is haunted- keeps them on their toes.
10. If someone leaves a door or gate open, go for it! Your human needs more exercise.
11. Comfort over dignity. Every time, all the time.
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