What I learned at a middle school dance

Tonight was my first time as an official sponsor/fun sucker at a middle school dance. My feet hurt and my ears are still ringing, but I had to get this down so maybe you can take a quick trip back to the smell of cheap cologne, new rubber shoes, stale gym and spray tan. Recall the sight of hair gelled to a fine point by the boys and sprayed into careless curls by the girls. Remember the weird feeling of being at school in the dark? It feels just the same as a teacher, except the reaction isn't "Isn't this weird? It looks so different and and it's kind of exciting!" to "I cannot believe I have been here this long and I'm a little scared to walk out to my classroom at night." So, as a list person, I bring you a brief list of lessons learned at a 6th-8th grade dance:

1. It is very difficult to drop it like it's hot in an Easter dress.
2. It is also very hard to pop-and-lock to "Journey".
3. If you are a boy and choose to dance with a girl, prepare for others to gather around you and stare. Especially if she is taller than you are.
4. Whatever makes you the coolest cat in the crib at a middle school dance will also automatically make you the biggest dork at a high school one.
5. More "Axe" does not equal a shower! Who is telling the boys this? Stop it!
6. There is no shock quite like watching 12 year olds grinding. Up until tonight I still saw them as little innocent kids to some degree, and I knew part of that would be gone after the dance. And it is. It's a kind of sad, overwhelmed, hopeless feeling, because who is there to tell these kids to hold on to that innocence, that's it's ok to not know what everyone else is talking about, to still be grossed out by that, to be a little bit scared of her, and to prefer holding his hand? How do you explain that? I'm starting to think that many of these kids never had that innocence to start with and so never had the chance to lose it or miss it. Someone never kept it safe for them and that makes me mad.
7. Most kids will apologize sincerely and profusely in private for something they thought was cool and hilarious in front of their friends. Especially when they have accidentally flipped off a teacher while a circle of peers gathered around to watch them "serve" another dancer. When I could keep from laughing, I pulled said server aside and asked him if I could interest him in a referral this evening. He declined and apologized at length and called me "ma'am". When did that happen?

So, as they take off their dancing shoes and wipe off the glitter, I'm only praying they will shower with soap and sleep the exhausted sleep of the young and naive, at least for a little while longer.